The Zeitgeist
Monday, January 10, 2011 at 04:26PM Dating In The Big Town, Part I
I’ve written in this space about JDate and other online dating sites before. I took the liberty of copying this woman’s profile from JDate because it is so hysterically funny and cynical at the same time:
About Me
Yes... References Required. Or at least, they might be. Is that a problem? lol. It shouldn't be, should it? Wouldn't that be interesting...Anyhow , thanks for stopping by....Welcome to Jdate where everyone loves long walks, their job, the beach, going to the gym, is honest, and smart etc ...a magical land where the men are all handsome, and taller than they were before, and the women sport a lil black dress that looks equally as excellent and sexy as, those favorite pair of jeans... A place where museum admission has reached an all time high, and you are the minority if you don't sky dive regularly or have a fully stamped passport. :)
Physical Info
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· I am: 5' 2" (157 cm)
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· I weigh:
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· My hair is: Dirty Blonde
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· My eyes are: Green
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· My body style is closest to: Athletic/Fit
Why do women on web dating sites feel the need to post photos of themselves with their friends? Don’t they know they run the risk of guys thinking that their friends may be cuter than they are? Do we really need or want to see their friends right now? Another big question is why do so many women feel compelled to post photos of themselves in Halloween costumes (or those from costume parties in general)? Do we guys really expect that once we start dating them that they will come over in Bat Girl or Naughty Nurse attire? Are we to assume that these kinds of sartorial choices are every day occurrences along with business suits and jeans?
I have a whole lot that I’d like to say about the state of dating in New York in one’s middle age but I’m going to hold my fire until next week as I want to devote most of my Zeitgeist space to that subject. Suffice it to say, it is a process fraught with cynicism, disappointment, nanosecond expendability and maddening frustrations. There is no comparison to dating at this stage of life and to dating twenty or twenty five years ago. No familiar road maps to reference or routines to follow.
A Kiss is But A Kiss
Having reluctantly reentered the dating world in earnest about seven or eight months ago after spending more than 14 years with the same person has exposed me to some truisms and new realities. One is about kissing and kisses. Living without them (and hugs) for extended periods can be deleterious to one’s health. Seriously. You don’t realize how much one needs them until you find yourself in a drought. When, in the course of dating, you do get to kiss, one is reminded that no two kisses are the same – everyone is different – like their fingerprints and DNA. Also, in Middle Age (and that’s where I seem to be at 52 even if I look younger) kissing is fraught with new meaning and challenges. Because I meet so many women on the north side of 38-40, they attach (as often do I) much more significance to kissing then when we were in our teens and 20s. A lifetime of relationships, jadedness, cynicism and even bitterness permeates the psyches of many women I encounter, especially those who haven’t been kissed a whole lot recently. This leads to a certain wariness about exchanging bodily fluids with new people as they often are battling the ghosts of relationships past in their brains. Some who have been lacking this basic human tenderness for extended periods “need to be kissed. And often, and by someone who knows how” to paraphrase Rhett Butler to Scarlett O’Hara in “Gone With the Wind.” (Actual quote: “No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.”) See the scene here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nACj50uq6_s) But I digress. Probably the most challenging thing in dating at this stage of life is surmounting the kissing hurdle – not just getting to kissing but to finding a kiss that resonates, a kiss that you can get lost in, a kiss that you love, a kiss you can believe in. “If you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss, that’s where it is…” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4KN6TFhy2I) Or the Cher version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZL_NCdhxVQ&feature=related.